Train Watching

So those that know me personally will know that I am a fast talker. Like super fast. I used to chalk it up to my NJ roots, but even fellow New Jerseyans have no clue what I am saying sometimes. My quick witted rehearsed response when someone tells me I talk too fast is “I don’t talk too fast – you just think too slow.”

But beyond the hilariousness of that response (I think it’s funny) there lies some truth in the statement. My fast talking way is most likely connected to my fast thinking brain. It moves so fast that sometimes I can’t keep up. I am trying to do one thing and my brain is off to the races thinking about the next thing and the next thing and the thing after that. And that translates to both how I speak and how I behave. Have a conversation with me and I promise you it will not be linear and a bit scattered. Walk into my house and you will see things not put away in their place, half folded piles of laundry and pens left with their tops off.

I am aware that I don’t like this about myself. I envy the people that talk slowly and articulately. I have always desired to be the woman with her purse zippered and things nice and tidy put back in their little compartments. That is not me. That may likely never be me. One thing I have learned this year on my spiritual journey is that desire is a source of suffering and letting go of what you cannot change is the path to happiness.

But what if I can change my fast thinking brain?

My mindfulness and meditation practice has shown me that it’s possible. I love the notion that meditation is not about clearing your mind of thoughts – it’s about becoming a witness to your thoughts, observing them and not reacting. One technique I learned is to think as your thoughts as a moving train – but you are just sitting on the platform watching the train move and never get on.

And that is what I am working on. I accept that I cannot change my fast thinking brain. There will always be a fast moving thought train running through my head. But what I can change is choosing to not get on the train.

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